“You’ll feel like you are peeing yourself, but you aren’t.”

Last Thursday I was scheduled for a PET scan. Oncologist #2 wants to use it for initial staging of the cancer. When I arrived at the imaging center they informed me it had been cancelled due to insurance not responding yet with precertification. They require a CT scan and a bone scan before they will approve a PET.

So we scheduled both for Tuesday. When they confirmed, I discovered I was only scheduled for a bone scan and they fixed it. Then they cancelled. Then rescheduled. Then cancelled. Then rescheduled. Then cancelled and due to an inch of ice causing snowmageddon 2015 the offices were closed on Monday and I couldn’t do anything to fix it.

This morning I called the oncologist and said, “What do we need to do to get this fixed today. I’m having surgery on Friday.” C, the oncologist’s scheduler told me she had a precertification on the fax that morning. She put me on hold and got me back in for both scans today, luckily I hadn’t had breakfast yet.

I arrived at the imaging center and there was so much ice in the parking lot I could barely get into the building. After getting checked in and partially undressed the CT tech started an IV and the nuclear medicine tech injected me with technetium, a radioactive tracer for the bone scan. The CT tech used to work with Oncologist #2 and I asked him for all the dirt on the doctor ;). He got a great review.

Then came the best part of the whole experience.

CT tech: “Um, I’m going to be totally honest with you about what’s going on. They just called me and said they don’t have a precertification and we need to stop the test. I’m not sure how you got checked in without it. It shouldn’t happen. You already got an IV and injection and I’m personally going to make sure you aren’t charged for anything. I’m so sorry.”

Me: “C had a precertification and sent it this morning when she scheduled. I also heard them call for it when I checked in. I’m just going to get my book out and read while you fix this.”

Less than 5 minutes pass and the CT tech returns.

CT tech: “I know C and she doesn’t make mistakes. If she said you were precert’d it’s good enough for me, I’m going to scan you.”

Then it gets even better. He did half of the scan and then said, “OK, you are doing great. I’m going to inject saline and then the contrast solution. You will get hot, and it will feel like you are peeing yourself, but you aren’t. I just don’t want you to be surprised.”

He wasn’t kidding.

He finished the CT and they told me to return in 2 hours for the bone scan.

Like any diabetic who must fast until noon I pounded Starbucks and Chick-fil-a, then went to work. Like any good project manager I called C to confirm she had sent the precert. She sent it 3 times to 3 different people.

I returned two hours later for the bone scan which was uneventful with the exception of looking over and thinking the tech was asleep until he opened his eyes and suddenly started brushing his beard. With a brush. That he keeps on the PC.

Along with an ice storm, is it a full moon?